I think talking about gender and race is divisive

Talking about gender and race certainly can be stressful at times. Often times, not talking about it means some belief in color blindness or gender blindness. If someone could truly do this, perhaps it would be a good strategy, but the problem is that nobody can. Humans cannot consciously choose to not see race or gender. Someone’s appearance instantaneously becomes a part of our perception of others, whether we like it or not. 

There are many ways in which a powerful groups like white men are advantaged from regular operations, without anybody having consciously bad intentions. Being neutral and not changing anything means accepting the default. In the words of elie wiesel, “We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.”

POC and women have experiences very much tied to their identity and appearance in ways that men and white people often don't. To ignore this is to say you don’t want to talk about the role identity plays in shaping their lives in positive and negative ways. So yes, talking about gender and race can be uncomfortable and can sometimes feel divisive, but it's necessary to do so in order to address the widespread inequality we see today.

Allyship basis

race

what does "race is social construct" mean?

Allyship basis

race

Can I say "black"

Allyship basis

race

What is Black lives matter about?

Allyship basis

race

Why can't we just "unify"?

Allyship basis

race

Shouldn't we just not see race?

Allyship basis

race

Why do so many govt forms make me choose race?

Allyship basis

race

My friend who is a POC

Allyship basis

race

class issues do not explain issues of race

Allyship action

race

should I talk to my friends who are POC about race?

Allyship action

race

how do I avoid embarrassing myself by saying the wrong thing?

Allyship action

race

How do I both not expect others to educate me while still learning from POC?

Allyship action

race

How do I respond and support a friend when they tell me about a racist incident? personal or societal

Allyship action

race

How do I talk to my other white friend & family members about their problematic beliefs

Allyship action

race

What do I do if I'm feeling emotional about a race situation with friends who are POC without stealing the spotlight

Allyship action

race

How do I help without recreating power dynamics of superiority?

Allyship action

race

How to respond to friends of colors racist experiences when they're sharing them?

Allyship action

race

Can I use the word "black"

Allyship action

race

Can I share confusion or criticism of different cultures - how much can I give my experience?

Allyship action

race

How to know what not to say?

Allyship action

race

How to not tokenize friends/colleagues - have them "speak for their race", but really want to hear their experience

Allyship action

race

How/when is curiosity appreciated?

Allyship action

race

How do I treat someone as individual but also keep in mind they're part of a group?

Allyship action

race

I'm scared of phrase "don't expect POC to explain to you" - how do I walk this line?

Allyship action

race

When do I explicitly recognize white privilege with POC? What's the most productive way forward with naming? acknowledging?

Allyship action

race

How do I communicate how important identity is to my friends/family?

Allyship action

race

How do I communicate with skeptics

Skeptics

race

Black people are poor because of bad "culture"

Skeptics

race

I don't have white privilege, my life is hard

Skeptics

race

Wealth/class is more important than race

Skeptics

race

Affirmative action is unfair / discredits POC / Positive discrimination not the way

Skeptics

race

BLM is racist

Skeptics

race

We should unify and people should stop protesting

Skeptics

race

Black on black crime is the real problem.

Skeptics

race

Black people commit the most murders

Skeptics

race

Other immigrant groups came to america and "made it" (Asian, Irish) black people didn't b/c of culture

Skeptics

race

Most white people are killed by black people

Skeptics

race

Men do all the hard, dangerous jobs. They are the real victims

Skeptics

race

White people can't get jobs because of affirmative action

Skeptics

race

All cultures had slavery

Skeptics

all

pointing out diversity only magnifies differences in an unhelpful way

all

so what am i supposed to do? (not argue a speeding ticket? not eat food in a market? (we're asking the wrong question)

reverse racism

Hopes

race

How do I model being a responsible white person to others?

Hopes

race

How do I talk about race with white friends and friends who are POC?

Hopes

all

What does "Allyship" looks like

Hopes

all

How do I express my thoughts on complex subjects without qualifying everything?

Hopes

all

How do I talk about identity in different kinds of ways (not just serious)?

Hopes

race

How do I make deeper friendships with POC?

Hopes

all

How can I be more confident with language?

opposition

Both indifferent and aggressive components

opposition

“__ group is making stuff up to be a victim”

opposition

liberal war on identity politics

opposition

false equivalence

opposition

demanding unreasonable purity & scrutiny (of their enemies)

opposition

‘__ group is "forcing" their identity in a situation’

opposition

threats & intimidation to advocates

opposition

consolidated & radicalized conservative media

opposition

sensational stories (that are unrepresentative of reality)

opposition

choosing the 1 in a million example to set common thought

opposition

demonize identity advocates

opposition

“__ power group are the real victims”

opposition

who do we imagine ourselves to be in a story told to us?

opposition

‘this stuff is "divisive"’

opposition

ignore 400+ years of history to deny that ___ group is consistently marginalized

opposition

I'm a ‘good member’ of this D group, so don't blame me

opposition

We all have the same fair treatment and access to opportunity

opposition

don't blame me for things that happened before I was born”

talking about differences is the problem"

opposition

“Group should be happy with what they've got since others have it worse”

opposition

Redirecting attention to red-herring while ignoring real issues

opposition

things are fine now since civil rights

opposition

Purposefully not understanding concepts and instead responding to a different straw man comment

opposition

Evasion - black on black crime

opposition

Saying exact thing but meaning opposite (rush Limbaugh on consent)

“You know what the magic word, the only thing that matters in American sexual mores today is? One thing. You can do anything, the left will promote and understand and tolerate anything, as long as there is one element. Do you know what it is? Consent. If there is consent on both or all three or all four, however many are involved in the sex act, it's perfectly fine. Whatever it is. But if the left ever senses and smells that there's no consent in part of the equation then here come the rape police. But consent is the magic key to the left,”

opposition

If you know that things will fall (abstinence education) or turn out a certain way (people being poor)... You're saying you know it will be worse, but you don't care

opposition

They only want to scrutinize the stuff they don't like

opposition

#metoo is a witch hunt

opposition

I'm worried about how this looks to "real americans" who are "on the fence"

opposition

"Male privilege" feels like something used to make me feel bad about myself. An accusation that I didn't choose and cannot change. Invalidates my opinions and experiences

opposition

Why should Al Franken Resign?

Engagement Questions

  • do you feel like you have a solid grasp on gender issues
  • how much time do you think about gender issues/womens' discrimination - what are you thinking about? Prob to solve?
  • what's the most significant thing you've done to ATTEMPT to address this issue?
  • what effect does having less women in the workforce have on business? Profitability?
  • how good an ally are you? What makes a good ally?
  • explain cont.
  • biological diff men & women
  • feminism
  • patriarchy
  • studies showing unconscious bias
  • overt harassment women face - is it real
  • where have your conclusions about gender equity come from?
  • define sexism
  • is Donald Trump sexist
  • give brief sexual harassment scenario ask him to describe - does he describe from viewpoint of man vs. neutral?
  • James Damore firing
  • James Damore memo content
  • if your sister or daughter were experiencing sexual harassment what would you want them to do?
  • do you think general office culture is as inclusive for women as it is for men?
  • do you feel discriminated against because of maleness or race? If so, in what ways?
  • what would you want to know more about? Situations in which knowing more about gender would be useful?
  • how often do most women think about their personal safety?
  • who has it easier in business -  women or men?
  • do you think women do more household chores? child raising? Does this affect their career? How so?
  • what do you think about flextime policies?
  • last time you used a flex time benefit?
  • chore-sharing @ home %
  • situations or incident that come to mind quickly when thinking about gender dynamics
  • problem for women vs. problem for men
  • closest colleagues - race & gender
  • closest friends - race & gender
  • what % of men are hostile? Skeptical? indifferent? Receptive care, they get but don't care & get it? Active allies
  • how similar are men & women treated at work?
  • do you have blindspots about understanding women's experiences?
  • what are some you've learned about?
  • 5 moments you acted as an ally to someone?
  • do you approve of Trump's job?
  • which is more likely - women unfairly being too sensitive about gender dynamics? Men not realizing they're acting in unconsciously sexist ways? % ages?
  • doctor riddle
  • get opinion on common biases
  • office HW
  • negotiating
  • female names
  • likeability bias
  • familiarity bias
  • feedback
  • do you have responsibility to do something?
  • what role can men play in general?
  • specific tips?
  • Qs about PRINCIPLES
  • what kind of effect do you think only as a small amount of bias would have in terms of #s? (google unconscious bias)

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